The Perils of Traditional Masculinity

Why do men hide their emotions?

Scientific logic suggests that women and men express feelings differently. This is largely due to the fact that men use the left side of their brain which is where reasoning lies whereas women use the right side which is heavy on emotions. However, research has shown that an average man is just as emotional as a woman, though he may express his emotions differently. As per the JAMA Psychiatry study, 30.6% of men have suffered a period of depression in their lifetimes because of swallowing their vehemence. Yet, the number of men that have gone to therapy is bare minimum.

Let me start by talking about how society dictates our actions! The preposterousness of gender stereotypes is deeply ingrained in our mentality that it makes it hard to accept an emotionally available man. Our society projects men as strong, rugged, tenacious beings through advertisements, magazine covers, movies, etc. More often that not, society gives bewildering signals to a man. We use phrases like “men don’t cry” and “man up”, and contradictingly, we have a problem when a man isn’t emotionally available/expressible while communicating in adult relationships. The societal pressures a man faces to achieve a higher paying job (higher than a woman at least is what they’re told), get a good house, have financial security for wife and kids, have a respectable image in the community etc. makes it even harder for a man to express his vulnerability. Men have been brought up in a way that makes them equate emotions with weakness. This ideology is so deeply ingrained in the society that parents don’t teach their sons to communicate emotionally. From a very young age, boys feel uncomfortable sharing their feelings with their parents/friends/significant other about their relationships, their struggles, their past experiences etc. Moreover, men don’t feel comfortable with sharing heavy emotions with other men, because that makes them look frail. Two men being openly vulnerable with each other is such a taboo in our society. They always want their ‘brothers’ to consider them as courageous manly beings because it’s embarrassing to be an emotionally weak member of the group. Generally, when a man opens up to his male friends, he is often laughed at for expressing his feelings. He gets taunts like “don’t be a girl”, “act like a man” etc. which makes it even harder to open up in times of severe need when one is struggling mentally.

As a progressive society in the 21st century, I certainly think it’s important to talk about this stigma. Letting men suffer in silence because of societal expectations is ludicrous. In order to get freedom from anger and frustration because of bottling up your emotions, it is important to firstly acknowledge your sentiments. As women, we must be more empathetic towards men who are suffering from depression or who are feeling vulnerable to open up. Instead of commenting on their lack of machoness, provide support to your male friends and family members. Motivate them to share their feelings with you, and provide moral comfort when they do this. Don’t try to be his therapist, rather, be the one to encourage him to take the right steps to get mental peace. Use phrases like, “Don’t worry, I’m all ears for you” or “I’m not here to judge you, I’m here to be with you in every step of this journey”, which may help them understand that they have your support in this fight against the society.