Are we Puppets in this Stereotypical World?

I cannot help but wonder why we still follow the traditional definitions narrated by society when it comes to vibrant marital relationships. Why does the man have to be the breadwinner, while the wife a nurturer? The gender roles in society suggest that a man must be the provider and the protector, because of his masculine aura and his physical strength. On the other hand, the woman has to be the caretaker who needs protection because of her fragility. This reminds me of a poem by William Wordsworth, called “She is a Phantom of Delight”. A few lines resonate with the gender norms of the society even today, such as “I saw her upon a nearer view, A Spirit, yet a Woman too! // Her household motions light and free, and steps of virgin liberty”, these lines suggest the woman is a benign and a soft housewife. The poet felt her womanly qualities and defined her as a virgin because of her free spirit. This resonates well with how men and their families want their wives and daughter in-laws to be. Every mother wants his son to marry a homemaker, who could cook for him, clean the house, nurture his offspring etc. This expectation seems unrealistic in today’s generation where a woman is working equally hard to achieve success in the workplace by redefining the stereotypical norms of the society.

Is it because women are not conforming to the gender norms anymore that makes a man feel threatened to be around a strong, independent, opinionated girl? The society portrays empowered women in a way that makes a man feel insecure. For instance, when a relative says “oh your wife is earning more than you?” or “why does your wife attend official parties and gatherings with so many other men”, the people around you force you to act in a way that ends up suppressing women. We always think about what the neighbours would feel rather than wondering how your partner would feel. The stereotypical view of a woman must change in order for us to progress in the right direction. In terms of gender equality, I feel like the government of Sweden is doing well with the introduction of the concept of latte papas. This ideology suggests that men would get a somewhat equal leave of absence once women finish their maternity leave and resume their jobs. The idea of latte papas encourages women to continue working without the fear of leaving their young children in nursing homes or with baby-sitters. It allows for greater equality in relationships because men and women both are taking care of their families. I believe this is one step forward in the right direction and other countries must take inspiration from Sweden. I would particularly love it if something like this ever happens in India because of the inelastic nature of customs and traditions.

Personally, my end goal is to find someone who understands and respects my independence and success. I don’t want to be with a man who envies my triumph, but someone who celebrates with me. Having an equal relationship is the key to a successful relationship. I want someone who could complement me, not complete me. Communication and teamwork will take relationships to places. Discuss the trade-offs, rather than focusing on getting absolute advantage; try thinking about the comparative advantage. Don’t find the perfect compromise, but find a healthy balance, because life isn’t perfect and people definitely aren’t either. Start with the simple things like if the woman is cooking, the man does the dishes and vice versa. It’s not that hard. Once you take baby steps when you’re dating or when you’re in a live-in relationship, your marriage will be of two equals, which must be the endgame.