Time for a Bloody Change
- Muskaan Srivastava
- Jul 14, 2020
- 6 min read
By Muskaan Srivastava & Ishika Jain
Do you want to guess my favourite horror story? Waking up to my period feels like stepping on multiple lego blocks. Sometimes I wonder how I’m still surprised that it shows up every month and sometimes I’m glad it comes(if you know what I mean). But what’s even more infuriating is when television advertisements constantly portray these unrealistically perfect women working out in their tight white clothes as I stuff my face with chocolate chip ice cream while I binge-watch the Notebook for the hundredth time. No, we don’t like getting out of our pjs, no we don't want to be twirling around cheerleading in white spandex, and it’s certainly not hunky-dory to smile through the process because apparently the pads give us wings.
Coming from a country where KamaSutra originated and bleeding goddesses are worshipped, it intrigues me how we are denied to enter the kitchen or temple just because we are “impure”. How is a biological process making me impure again? Conventionally when I go to the nearby store to buy sanitary napkins, the woman sitting asks me to whisper and secretly hands it to me in a black polythene bag. It’s upsetting how I’m asked to have a straight smiley face in front of the male counterparts while I’m grappling with immense pain.
It’s surprising how the Indian mothers have a pre-req for their son’s marriage that she must be able to possess these womanly qualities and be fertile enough to give birth and start a family but struggles to have a conversation with her own daughter and even son about the same.
Yes losing unwanted fluids from our body sure doesn't sound the greatest? But trust us we certainly don’t like those uncomfortable pads, racing against time while showering, and regretting sneezing so hard.
We get it boys, talking about blood, and what goes on inside our bodies when we lose 80 ml of blood each month doesn't sound mystical, in fact, if you’ve never spoken about this, it sounds rather gross! But, this is a natural process, and while you can’t stop your girl from distress, here are some ways you can display sensitivity to help ease this battle that she faces every month.
Here are some things you should avoid saying and doing at any cost?
1. Do not mock her period: For the zest of your own life, do not use phrases like “are you on your period again”, “oh you’re pmsing”, those should be no brainers! It’s not angelic to bleed every month, so she is also ruffled that they’re here. Also, PMS isn’t a deeply thought-of excuse, just so you know, it’s a legitimate thing. Premenstrual syndrome is a condition that begins a few days prior to her period and continues during, affecting her emotions and well-being. So, I repeat DO NOT tell her that she’s acting a certain way because “it’s that time of the month”.
2. Do not expect her to be normal after a medicine- Yes, over the counter medications like Advil and Midol are our knight in shining armour in controlling pain, but they do not eliminate the pain completely. About 2-3 pea-sized tablets of 600 mg dosage might be useful in reducing our cramps temporarily but in totality, they don’t really help ratchet down the muscle pain, back pain, mood swings, irritability, bloating, backaches, headaches, breast soreness, stress, anxiety, insecurity and I can go on and on. PS: those medicines don’t always work for all of us.
3. Do not pass comments on her body- Passing snide comments like “are you going to have the whole thing” will definitely make her blood boil. So, let her finish a large pizza by herself because ordering a pizza is definitely easier than handling her mood swings. Hormonal fluctuations are perplexing, a rise in estrogen can make her feel low and cranky, making her want all the comfort food in the world (sugar-coated items & carbs) which are necessary to boost serotonin and dopamine levels. Also, she is aware that she is bloated. She also doesn’t understand why losing so much blood isn’t making her waist look like those Victoria Secret models. So, avoid reminding her constantly with your ignorant comments like “you look fat” or “you should hit the gym”.
4. Do not get grossed out- Periods can be like an unexpected guest that shows up without a warning at night and can stain your favourite bedsheet. Showing disgust or getting mad at her can be extremely disrespectful with things she had no control over, sometimes periods do show up a few days earlier or later, so it might be a surprise to her too. Also there will also be times she might be in pain and you’ll have to buy tampons on the way, remember she will only appreciate you more because it’s not shameful to care about her feminine needs.
5. Avoid fighting: Might be the worst time to begin an argument, she might throw tantrums but avoid hot topics that you know will get her riled up, instead ask her for what she wants for dessert. When she’s already struggling with immense mood swings and making comments like “talk to me when your period is over” might just be the cherry on top to turn her into the Hulk.
But here are some things you can and should do:
1. Make her feel special- she’s at her all-time low and is very insecure of her body with the weight kicking in and acne territorializing her face. Little acts of care like getting her chocolate(dark chocolate helps with cramps), complimenting and appreciating her or even planning indoor date nights preferably where she won’t be concerned about dressing up would just win her heart.
2. Help her ease the pain- Dysmenorrhea or menstrual cramps, have been ruled out to be as painful as having a heart attack. This pain can be unbearable at times and at times even as bad calling for the need for bed rest. Getting her a heating pad, making her some warm tea, preparing a hot bath, and helping out with the chores are small things she’ll appreciate. She’d love it if you leave an ice cream tub in the freezer for her midnight cravings!
3. Know her menstrual cycle- Acting like her mood swings are like a skeleton in the cupboard won’t help, so be prepared in advance. Quick tip: there’s several period tracking apps you can download (period tracker, flo, clue), rather than asking her every month. Reminder: do not plan a getaway without keeping in mind her schedule, she would not want to hike up a hill on her day 2.
4. Understand she might be irrational- There will be times where she won't make sense to you at all, be patient, hormonal imbalances can often lead to emotions being hither and thither. Remember how Marshall and Lily from How I Met Your Mother used to pause their fight? Taking a breather sure does help you reevaluate your fight and allows you to choose your words wisely. You can adopt this the next your girlfriend/wife is on her period to not lose sight of what’s important when it comes to your loved one. PS: just apologise if you did something that hurt her and talk about it properly later.
5. Do not smother her- Yes, I mentioned giving her extra attention, but remember, not every girl likes that. So, be considerate of her needs because sometimes she wants affection and company while other times she wants to be left the hell alone. If she wants the latter, then let her do her own thing, order some food and wine, and let her enjoy her show!
With that being said, women may be going through an emotional rollercoaster, but remember that there is still a thin line between her mood swings and little cravings and being disrespectful and abusive. If you believe she is being cocky, then talk it out and explain how it made you feel, if it continues, then understand this might be a toxic relationship and every person ought to respect one another regardless of their gender.
We live in a society where cultural taboos seem to accentuate on a daily basis, if 70% mothers of menstruating daughters consider periods as dirty, then we’re really not progressing as a nation. Bringing about a collective movement in this perception will be possible once the millennials start making amendments within their homes, whether to your mother, sister, girlfriend, female friend or any other woman you encounter. Allow them a safe space where they feel comfortable to converse about it freely to you. Tell them it's okay and you’re there. Change begins when you normalize it within your own circle.
Made your way through all of that? Good. Whatever it is you decide to do to make this period a little less for your partner, know that your desire to help is making the world a more period-positive place, and for that, we’re really proud of you.
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